SO,
Since I have neither the time nor patience to write anything
worthwhile (that’s a joke! I don’t do that anyway!), I’m just gonna jot down a
few thoughts I’ve collected over the past weekish:
1. Somehow I’ve convinced the girls in my cabin
to call me “Professor Awesome”, "Jay Z's Mistress", and "Bobathon"
2. Little girls have a lot of feelings, but most tear-loaded episodes are quickly resolved with a lazy quiz about their
favorite cheeses before I zip their knobby knees and tangled braids back into their sleeping bags.
3. Children will ALWAYS find an opportunity to whine –
whether they’re hiking a mile along a beautiful deer-riddled dirt trail, or
wading knee-deep in Legos and chocolate, wearing velvet crowns and holding
fistfuls of gold, someone will ALWAYS complain about the number of Lays in
their sack lunch
4. If you’re backpacking in Leadville for three days
with nothing other than bread, cheese, and m&ms for sustenance with seven
children, the gluten and dairy free kid will have no choice but to eat rice
cakes with seaweed from home to keep from dying. He'll look like shit
anyway.
5. If you let your starving campers eat all the
chocolate chip cookies your grandmother sent you in the sweetest care package
of all time, rather than thanking you, they’ll moan when there’s “no dessert”
after breakfast the next day while you pinch the skin on your palm to keep from screamin words they've never dreamed.
6. Days off are glorious. I had one! Saturday
afternoon, my buds and I biked over to Lake Wellington, laid out in the sun,
drank warm beer, and bounced across a slack-line in the sand. It’s
amazing what a few hours without children throwing sticks at your eyes can do
for your health.
7. Thai food restaurants located directly off the highway are
mediocre! They’re also stocked with characters that belong in an Adult Swim
cartoon. The loudest of which was a bald muscular man in a tie-dye
tank top tucked beneath beige coveralls at the bar.
8. If you pay a cashier with sopping wet money, he
won’t bother hiding his disgust with you throughout the remainder of the
transaction. It was clear he wanted nothing to do with me or my reasoning
for the soggy cash by his refusal to make eye contact with me for the next and last minute of my visit.
9. It’s worth skipping a couple of hours of sleep to
bushwhack up the side of a mountain thing to sit on the closest thing in Real
Life to pride rock (god rest Mufasa’s soul), and watch the lake below glitter
like an asshole. I've never seen a more confident body of water in my life. Due to this and other self-assured landscapes, mocking me and my mediocre looks on a daily basis, I spend more of my time these days scheming ways to take
pictures of pretty views than how to become offensively famous through hot dog
competitions, which is a DRASTIC lifestyle change from four weeks ago.
10. Turns out, I have no reason to worry about my future here
at Avid 4 Adventure, as my boss volunteered to spit water in my face during a campfire skit a
couple days back. Rest assured, I’m making my way up the corporate ladder.
11. And lastly, there’s
nothin better than a few days of flirting in the moonlight, making up fake
constellations, and tossing some moose sheets over two twin-sized mattresses
pushed together on the floor of an empty cabin for a night of camper-free sleep
in my birthday suit
Before I go sneak off to the kitchen to load up on Captain Crunch
before clawing my way to bed, I wanted to mention that I am very well aware of
the fact that during the first session of the summer, I was blessed with seven
perfect boys, all of which got along seamlessly and were equally
adorable. Since their goodbyes (figurative goodbyes, only two of
those angel-faced wangs bothered to hug or wave at me as their parents swept
them away to their obnoxiously clean Lexus), I’ve been in mourning of my first
little camp family. I have since gotten a new handful of freckled
kiddos (five incoming seventh graders), so here's a brief introduction
of my newest boys:
a. Jake: a “too cool for school” dude taller than half the staff,
who’s told me an unacceptable number of times that he has a girlfriend going
into the 9th grade (the best response so far belongs to my
buddy Steve, the rock climbing instructor, who replied with a straightfaced, “no way?! me too!!”)
b. Kingston: insists on sitting
next to me all the time so that i can watch him make unnecessary faces; he doesn’t understand the concept of personal space, and
is afraid of most things alive and not (I should mention he literally has mild brain
damage, so I really can’t be too upset by any of this)
c. Jonathon: a frail dude with a stutter, with the voice of an unsure
chipmunk mumbling from 40 feet away; he prefers to be alone and interact with
nobody, and refuses to eat anything other than bread or cheese
d. Eric: a normal (thank you god) hyperactive funny kid
who watches Family Guy religiously and can recite the lyrics to every song ever played on
the radio (we had a bubble-blowing bonding session today and we laughed until we cried - he isn't my favorite i definitely would never pick a favorite that
would be WRONG)
e. Jacob: a nice kid I haven’t spent enough time with whoops
If Scott and I weren’t awesome, it’d be a group
management nightmare.
BUT IT'S THE FOURTH
OF JULY AND I THINK WE'RE DOING A BBQ I LOVE BBQ GO AMERICA
AMERICA,
Kay
P.S. A consistent lack of sleep makes you tired!! Learning!!
0 comments:
Post a Comment